Restoring the Biblical Family (Part 3): God’s Plan for Men

I’ve prayed for some time now that reformation would sweep over the church in America. Such a reformation would include a long list of positive outcomes and one of these would be a return to Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

The blessing of reformation is that the authority and sufficiency of Scripture becomes the only foundation for all belief and practice, which rejects the humanism that is so dominant in the church today and embraces what God revealed in His Word as the final arbiter for all matters of life and faith.

I believe that Christian men embracing the high calling that God has placed on their lives would be an incredible blessing. Not only would this benefit these men, their families, the church, and the nation, but it would also bring honor and glory to God, which is our purpose for existence.

What does the Bible say about Manhood?

So, what does the Bible say about manhood? Scripture teaches that men and women are made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27), therefore, they are equal in essence and standing before God (Gal. 3:28). At the same time, God made men and women unequal in authority and function because they were created by Him to fulfill distinctive roles. Men were called to lead their families and women were called to support their husband’s leadership (Eph. 5:23; Col. 3:18; Tit. 2:1-5; 1 Peter 3:1).

Role #1: Men as Leaders

Leadership comes from vision and vision comes from God’s Word, so a Godly man must lead biblically. What are some of the basic expectations of his leadership? A man must establish a God-centered home (Joshua 24:14-16) and cast a multi-generational vision of faithfulness to the One True God (Psalm 78:1-7). A husband must seek to sanctify his wife with the Bible, so that she perfectly conforms to Christ (Eph. 5:26). The husband must live with his wife in an understanding way (1 Pet. 3:7) and he must seek to sacrificially love her as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25) and as he would his own body (Eph. 5:28-30). Clearly, this is a strong and yet gentle kind of leadership that is earned rather than dictated. As a father, a man must turn his heart toward home (Mal. 4:6) and seek to disciple his children in the nurture and instruction of the Lord and do so without provoking anger (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21). He must also train his children up to honor and obey their parents. The man is directed to be faithful in these and other biblical applications and it is up to God to produce the fruit. Just as Adam was held accountable for his leadership, all men will be held accountable for the leadership of their home.

Role #2: Men as Providers

God calls men to provide for their families. We see this truth illustrated by God designating Adam with the job of overseeing the garden and giving him dominion over all animal life. He then created Eve out of Adam’s body to give to Adam for the purpose of helping him. He focuses much of his energy on his work while she is to focus much of her energy on helping him. Of course, Adam’s sin led to God cursing the land, which made his role of provider more difficult. The man is to be the primary breadwinner for the family, so that his wife can focus her best energies on the role God gave her, which is in the home (Titus 2:3-4). A man is to work hard and not be slothful. In fact, the man who does not provide for his own household has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8).

Generally, men tend to do better at providing than leading and protecting because they often wrongly associate success in life with what job one holds or what income one has. This is easy because the culture handsomely affirms success. Sadly, many men provide financially while neglecting to provide spiritually and relationally. Of course, there are still men who do not provide at all because they are absentee fathers or they are too lazy to work and whose wives support them.

Role #3: Men as Protectors

God calls men to protect their families and any man worth his salt would willingly fight and die if necessary for his family. We see this evidenced throughout Scripture in a variety of ways. For example, men are physically stronger than women (1 Peter 3:7) and men (not women) are called on to protect their homes (Luke 11:21). When Nehemiah organized the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem, he placed the men on the section of wall closest to their own home, which would motivate their protective nature to build a strong wall and enable them to immediately defend their family if need arose (Nehemiah 2-3). It is also the pattern of Scripture that men went to war while the women and children stayed behind (Numbers 1; Deut. 3:18-20; Joshua 1:14; 1 Samuel 30:3, 18-19). There are also no biblical examples of women serving as combatants. Finally, as protectors men are the primary gatekeepers of their families, which means that it is their job to determine what and whom will influence the family. This includes deciding what doctrine to believe, where to go to church, how to educate their children, what media to allow in the home, who has access to the family, etc.

What are some objections to Biblical Manhood?

The Bible is very straightforward about what men are called to be and yet we see very little of this taking place within the church today. Why? Because Biblical Manhood is spiritually appraised in an age where each man does what is right in his own eyes. The church is full of “Cafeteria Christians” who pick and choose what they want to believe and often mix those hand-picked doctrines with those that they picked from the world. I confess that I struggled and wrestled with the doctrine of Biblical Manhood for years and I believe that I objected for three main reasons.

Objection #1: The Culture

Biblical Manhood is contrary to the egalitarian culture that I was raised in, which teaches that there are no differences between men and women. For example, I vividly remember watching “The Cosby Show” and seeing the interaction between Matriarch Mrs. Clair Huxtable and Elvin Tibideaux (the young man who dated and eventually married her daughter Sondra). Elvin held traditional beliefs about gender roles (albeit poorly articulated) and Clair confidently slammed him for his “chauvinistic” positions. Mr. Huxtable was cast as the more moderate voice of reason who came in and tried to help poor misguided Elvin understand that he was wrong. Of course, the actor realized the error of his way and turned into an egalitarian himself.

Images like that were played over and over and over again by the mass media to the point that it influenced the presuppositions of an entire generation to believe that men and women are equal in all ways including their roles in life. Egalitarianism promotes total autonomous freedom, which is the belief that every person is their own god and they can determine what is right or wrong for themselves.

The world is hostile to Biblical truth and Biblical Manhood is especially offensive because it recognizes that the Bible is God’s standard and that the world is accountable to that standard, which also means that mankind is accountable to God individually as well as collectively. The marriage relationship is also a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church.

Objection #2: My Wife

In addition to the egalitarian culture, another challenge I encountered was that my wife is a very intelligent and gifted woman. She is my equal in a lot of ways, she is better than I am in some, and I am better than her in others. With this in mind, I reasoned that we should be equal in our marriage because there was no distinct area that I saw, which qualified me to be in a position of leadership over her.

What is interesting, however, is that God blessed my bride with a sensitive spirit to Biblical truth and she encouraged me to take the leadership role in our marriage and showed me from Scripture why I should do so. Over time I grew to understand the importance of God’s plan and to embrace the role He gave me. Today, I diligently seek to fulfill what God has commanded me to be-the leader, provider, and protector of my home.

Objection #3: The Church

Most people in the church will agree that men and women are equal in standing before God, but that is where the agreement usually ends. Unfortunately, the simple truth that God has ordained roles for men and women is often glossed over, ignored, reinterpreted, or rejected outright by the Modern American Church. There are several reasons why this happens. Here are a few examples:

• Bad theology.
• The church lacks faith that God’s ways are best.
• The church fears men more than God.
• Most people in the church are not saved and so Biblical truth is offensive.
• Some churches need a lot of money to pay for salaries, buildings, and programs, and teaching Biblical Manhood and Womanhood would cause many within their congregations to stop attending and stop giving.
• Seeker-friendly churches do not teach the whole counsel of God.
• The existence of female pastors is unbiblical and undermines male headship in the home as well as male leadership in the church and the state as taught in Scripture.
• Unqualified male leaders undermine male headship out of self-interest because teaching on it would expose their status of being unqualified to serve in the Gospel ministry (1 Tim. 3; Titus 1).

Pastors need to intentionally and boldly teach Biblical manhood from the pulpit and they need to lovingly live it out in their home, which models what it looks like to the congregations they serve. The congregations they serve also need to check their humanistic thinking at the door and not persecute their pastors for loving them enough to teach them biblical truth. God’s ways are always higher than man’s ways and the ideas of men must never be the measure for Biblical truth. The American Christian Church is a sea of mediocrity and a pastor who boldly preaches Biblical truth is truly a blessing from God.

A Call to Reclaim Biblical Manhood

God ordained the family as the foundational institution for civilization and He called men to be accountable for their families. Therefore, how we live out our lives as a family and embrace our God-given roles will radically impact our families, our churches, and our nation.

Some examples of the blessing of Biblical manhood include:

• God’s Word being the foundation of truth in the home
• Husbands and Fathers growing as disciples
• Husbands and Fathers turning their hearts toward home
• Stronger God-honoring marriages
• Wives feeling loved and being sanctified
• The rise of Biblical Womanhood
• Children being wanted and loved
• Children being evangelized and discipled
• The rise of obedient children
• A Multi-generational vision
• Biblically Qualified Men rising up to lead and biblically reform the church
• Biblically Reformed Churches impacting the world for Christ

Since it is God’s plan, it must be taught and modeled by every Christian church. Every boy who grows up in a Christian home today must be discipled to believe the truth that God has called him to be a leader, protector, and a provider for women and children (Gen. 18:19; Joshua 24:15).

Two Challenging Years: A Biblical church, an Amish farm, financial challenges, a child’s baptism, losing an old friend, gaining a new friend, mowing grass, dodging hail stones, a new home, and a dust storm!

Our raised bed garden in Prescott Valley, AZ. It’s been a little over two years since we moved from Prescott Valley to Phoenix and a lot has happened during that time. Our original plan was to save up so that we could move to Tennessee or Kentucky. The three purposes for our move were to: work for reformation within the Southern Baptist Convention, buy a small farm get out of debt. Our family made several trips to Tennessee and Kentucky both before and after our move to Phoenix. I also spent a couple years developing contacts in the region and coordinating our move with the Southern Baptist state conventions in the South and Mid-West, so we could hit the ground running from a ministry perspective. We thought that it would be great to place ourselves in the heart of the SBC from which we could travel to evangelize and disciple many thousands more than what we were influencing in Arizona. We also desired to be a catalyst for reformation in the Southern Baptist Convention. A Farmer’s Life for Me Buying a farm had been a dream of ours for several years. We had owned a half-acre in Prescott Valley and on it we had planted 40 trees (including ten fruit trees) and we had built several raised bed gardens. The kid’s play set and our mini-orchard in Prescott Valley, AZ. Why a farm? Well, Jenn and I both have rural roots from the Mid-West and I loved spending my summers on my grandparents’ farm in central Illinois. The main reason is that we wanted to be self-sufficient by growing our own food, which would bring God glory as an application of taking dominion of the earth. A small farm would allow us to grow organic fruits and vegetables, raise chickens for meat and eggs, and to raise goats for milk. Doing this would help us save hundreds of dollars a month on our food bill. Owning a small farm would also allow us to work side-by-side with our children (for evangelism, discipleship, and relationship building) and teach them a strong work ethic rather than raising them to play on a postage stamp lot in a subdivision because there is no work to do.   Our Amish home in Kentucky’s beautiful bluegrass region. Our Amish Farm After a year in Phoenix we bought a 15-acre Amish-built farm in Kentucky for $140,000. It included a 2,500 sf farm house with a summer kitchen, a 28X40 garage and storage building, a 1,000 sf Amish Schoolhouse, a 30×36 livestock barn, a 36X60 Tobacco barn, a creek, a pond, a well, and an outhouse. It was an amazing value for the land, outbuildings, and water. My father-in-law (Tom), Jenn’s uncle (Bernard), and I drove out to renovate it in preparation for my family. Tom and Bernard added a bathroom  and replaced all of the PVC plumbing with copper. They did an amazing job and we are tremendously grateful for the love they showed us through their service. Our 15-acre farm included a large garage and storage building, a schoolhouse, two barns, a pond, a creek, a well, and an outhouse. :’> “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”-Proverbs 19:21 It turns out that after making the move I realized that we had made a big mistake and I decided that we would return. The primary reason was because God had answered our prayers by blessing me with a humble mentor and blessing my family with an amazing church home at Heritage Baptist Church in Avondale, AZ. The closest church that I would have felt comfortable taking my family to was nearly two hours away. Of course, I could plant a church, but I believe in a plurality of elders and I did not want to start a church that was contrary to the Biblical pattern. Being closer to our parents was also important as was being close to friends. There were also several personal reasons relating to the specific area, the reality of having a mortgage with a lot more fixes to make, and some concerns regarding the lifestyle that convinced me that this was not God’s plan for us during this season of life. The bathroom Tom and Bernard added. Jenn and the kids never actually moved, so they continued to stay in Phoenix as my father and I loaded up the van and returned along with some help from our Amish neighbors. Yes, we had Amish neighbors and all of their children spoke Dutch-German. They were very hard workers and very good neighbors. I paid them to watch over the house while we were gone and they did a great job. This whole debacle happened last summer and it was a very difficult period for us all, but we persevered and God blessed us. Facing Difficult Times Within a few months of our return to Arizona, our two largest donors stopped supporting us as did a few others. We were suddenly down $1,200 per month in support (on top of losses from the previous year), I had a mortgage to pay, a family to support, and so I needed to find work. Jenn had been working from home as an online teacher and administrator, but what began as a small amount of time that could be justified by Proverbs 31 had grown into a monster. We decided that she should stop working and she did in August 2009. She was then able to focus her energies on homeschooling our three children. We believe that the Bible is very clear that the man is the provider and the wife is a keeper at home, so her working outside the home was not an option for us. Therefore, I interviewed for a Bible position at a Christian High School and was selected for hire only to find out that the position could not be funded due to lower than expected enrollment. Other job opportunities did not pan out either and I was not interested in becoming a pastor at another church because we had already found our church home. Fortunately, God is in control and He provided me with an online teaching position with a Christian high school that has helped to make up some of the support we lost and I can still work from home, which is a huge blessing. God’s timely provision and His mercy in leading us to stay out of debt is what has allowed us to survive financially during this recession. My beautiful bride. Enjoying  Where We’re At It is not our first choice to live in a desert (especially after ten years in Flagstaff and Prescott), but we are remembering some of the simple pleasures that take the edge off of it (i.e. warm desert evenings, air conditioning, and that’s about it). Of course, there are those that love it here, but we think they are a little odd. Then again so are we.   The Melton kids in the jail at Rawhide. Some of the things our family has enjoyed doing in the Phoenix area includes fellowshipping with our wonderful church family, homeschooling, swimming, playing in the mud, archery, Encanto Park, Rawhide, the Phoenix Zoo, the Desert Botanical Garden, Family Day at AZ Game and Fish, playing board and card games, building with Citiblocks (or Lincoln Logs or Legos), playing Capture the Flag, shooting guns, climbing trees, picking apples, working on fixing up the house together, using the riding lawn mower, and walking around at Cabellas or Bass Pro Shops. Zachary’s Baptism One of the best things that happened for our family since moving Baptizing my son Zachary in April 2010. to Phoenix is that my oldest son Zachary made a believable confession of faith in Christ, which means that by God’s grace my son is also my brother in Christ. I was blessed with the tremendous opportunity to baptize him in April 2010 and it is a memory that I will always treasure.  Jenn and I are now discipling him to honor and obey his parents, to read the Bible and conform his life to its teachings, to pray, to pursue Christ’s likeness, to be able to engage the world with the Gospel, and to embrace a multi-generational vision (Psalm 78). I am also pleased to share that Jonathan (our six-year-old) has also made a confession of faith, but Jenn and I are using parental discernment to wait on his baptism a while longer as we continue to disciple him. We are also raising our precious three-year-old Madison in the faith and pray for her salvation as she grows. Buddy We are happy to share the good news that we have a new friend named Buddy living with us. He is a Black Labrador Retriever and he is about 18 weeks old. We met him in the evening, brought him home, and he bonded with us the next day. He is a goofy and lovable addition to our happy home and we are thrilled to have him. Buddy the Wonder Dog Sad and Stormy News Of course, there are have also been harder times. About a week ago we buried our beloved Scottish Terrier, MacDuffy, who died after giving us thirteen and a half years of loyal friendship. We also watched from the windows as our neighborhood was pelted with hail stones the size of quarters while one of our friend’s house was hit with golf ball-sized hail in October 2010 (no kidding). A few weeks ago our sheds were blown over and smashed by large dust storms and microbursts. We even had Channel 3 News set up a broadcast next door to talk about the storm’s destructive winds. I guess we were ground zero. The storm hit as we were beginning our family worship time and I can tell you that the prayers certainly had an added sense of urgency that night. The two sheds on our property were flipped over and smashed by the massive dust storm that hit the Valley a couple weeks ago. A Farmer’s Life, Take Two in Buckeye, AZ After having the farmhouse in Kentucky on the market since the summer, we Having fun mowing the backyard. were blessed to find a buyer and we sold the farm in March. We were then able to turn around and buy a HUD home in Buckeye on an irrigated acre at a great price. It’s really peaceful in Buckeye compared to Phoenix and the only noise you hear are lawn mowers, animals, and jets flying out of Luke Air Force Base. (On second thought, maybe its not so quiet.) Picking apples in the backyard. It is a newer manufactured home on a stem wall located in a great neighborhood. It is a large home and has 5 bedrooms (one is an office), 3 bathrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, a laundry, and a home school room. The only thing missing are outbuildings, which I hope to add over time. Our plan is to build a large raised-bed garden and add the goats and chickens in the fall. We will then plant a fruit and nut tree orchard in January. We will keep you updated with future blogs as we develop the property and use it for sustainable living. Prayer Requests Please continue to pray for us as we seek to follow God’s plan for our lives. I would especially like prayers that God would give me discernment in making decisions for my family, my speaking ministry, and the church we serve. Of course, prayers for protection and provision are always appreciated as we seek to reach the lost for Christ and reform the church and family according to the truths contained in Scripture.

A God-Centered Home: The Vision for Family Worship

Every Christian family should give honor and glory to God daily through the practice of Family Worship. This seminar lays out five biblical principles that provide a foundation for Family Worship, it encourages fathers to lead their families to worship God, and it provides practical examples from our family on the essential elements of family worship (singing, Bible reading, application, and prayer). Family worship for the glory of God results in health for the family, reformation or the church, and a powerful witness of the gospel in the world.

Click here to listen to this important message: